There is a Buddhist story of a young woman named Sundari who was tricked into spying on the Buddha by a group of jealous ascetics. They did not like that people were leaving their group and following the Buddha. They sent Sundari to spy and collect information to discredit the Buddha and those who followed him. That was what they told her, but they had more sinister plans. Unfortunately, for Sundari they planned to kill her and blame the Buddha since she was last seen with him and his group. Tragically, that's exactly what they did. The Buddha's reaction to this was to remain calm, encourage his followers to do the same, and not to defend him or themselves. His instruction to them was to "endure with an unruffled mind."
It's difficult to understand why he would not speak on his own behalf. Who wouldn't defend themselves in a situation like that? Upon deeper examination and in contemplation the reason is clear. There was nothing to defend. He did not have a 'story of himself'. One has to have a 'story of themselves to have a story to defend. No story; no need to defend. We all have a story about ourselves and we all quite naturally want to be seen in the same light we see ourselves. We want others to recognize our story. It's painful to be misunderstood and judged when we attach to an idea we hold about ourselves. So what or who is causing the pain? Is it the person or group judging me or is it me gripping tightly to a story about myself? I am realizing that it is the latter. A defensive posture conveys unhealthy attachment. This does not mean that there isn't a time to speak or explain something when asked and true understanding is sought. That is clearly not the same thing. It's the attachment to the story that is so injurious. I know who I am, and who I am not, and that is enough. It is not important that others see me accurately. It's important that I see myself accurately. It's only when I see myself correctly, and adjust when needed, that I can grow and progress. That is the goal. If my focus is on how others see me I will miss what I have come here to learn. I want to learn. What a journey! Blessings!
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As I sit here at my kitchen table, I am watching something happen in Georgia that is kind of rare. At least in the part of Georgia, I live in. I am watching large snowflakes descend from the heavens. None of it is collecting. The temperature is a tad bit too warm for that. None the less it’s a beautiful sight. Winter is here. The trees are mostly bare. They line the skyline behind my house like tall, imposing skeletons. They are missing what appears to make them alive, yet they are not dead. One can see deep into the forest behind our home. This only happens for a few months out of the year. In just a few months the foliage will thicken and what is visible now will be hidden. There is something about wintertime that brings clarity. For me, I guess that is because of what it represents. It heralds an end yet the hope of another beginning. Everything has surrendered to nature’s edict and gone to sleep. There are things we see in our sleep that we do not see when we are awake. The ancients would call death “sleeping” and now I understand why. It’s been five months since my near-death experience. I have had a lot of time to think about what happened and what it might mean. At first, the downloads were so overwhelming that I couldn’t really talk about it and it make a lot of sense to others. It means so many things. So much happened during those few moments that felt like an eternity. Time doesn’t make sense in that place. It’s still very difficult to articulate. People have asked me questions and I have tried my best to answer them. For some people, I think it was comforting. It confirmed what they knew in the hearts already. For others, it did not support their ideology and I could see how uncomfortable that made them. It was not my intent to make them uncomfortable, but I couldn’t be dishonest about what I saw and what I didn’t see. Or should I say what I heard and perceived and didn’t? It doesn’t mean that I believe certain things might not be true for them. Maybe they are? I don’t know. I just won’t say what I do not know or haven’t experienced. Faith, about life after death, isn’t necessary for me anymore. You don’t need to try and believe something once you have experienced it. Knowing isn’t believing, it’s knowing. Faith is a good thing, for a season, but it isn’t in my toolbox anymore. It isn’t how I navigate this place. What I do know is that there is no death. Death seemed to me to be just like birth. To the person it’s happening to, suddenly, they are somewhere else. They are transported to another kind of existence. There is something beyond this experience and it’s very real. Whatever it is that annimates me, and you, won’t die. My body and your body will die. What is beneath will continue. What will that look like? What form will that take? I am not sure, but I do know it will go on. We will go on. Out of body, I was expansive. The pain and trauma I had been experiencing ceased to exist. My 5-foot 1-inch frame didn’t feel like it could ever hold me again. I thought it was a marvel that I once fit in there! Where I was there was nothing lacking, it was peaceful, and I was part of all of it and part of all of you. It’s impossible to see myself separate now. Having come back it would honestly be a lot less painful to hold that view once again, but I cannot. The ‘story of separation’, as Charles Eisenstein calls it, is not possible for me anymore, because I know it’s a lie. My ego still tries to tell the tale and it just makes me laugh and honestly, sometimes cry. (It's been a little hard coming back here) Whether we like it or not we really are all on this crazy dirtball together for better or worse. Until we are not. Once we exit this physical experience, we quickly realize how much of an illusion all of it is. I think that is all I want to say about that for now. I wrote a book about the entire ‘ride’ that will hopefully be published soon. Until then take a good look at those trees. https://youtu.be/KITp78WyDNI (TW: Explicit) |
AuthorApril Novoa. Human Design Specialist. Autodidact. Forever Student. Archives
February 2023
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